Saturday, 25 February 2012

The more Sour it is, the better it Feels!


Time flew,days passed and my eagerness to attend the coaching grew day by day. Something which was very unusual with me. "He's serious this time". My family uses to say after seeing my regularity in attending the class.
But none knew my actual area of interest. It was unusual, it was different, it was beautiful, it was not me.
With every passing day,i just kept falling for her. I could not understand the reason for this behaviour of mines,but i did not feel like clarifying it. I liked the feeling somehow. It was confusing,disturbing,mind boggling,yet lovable.
Was she the one? I kept asking myself.And the more I asked this question to myself, the more I got confused. this feeling really got me entangled more into her.
The search for an answer simply raised more questions instead of getting any answers.

Yes, I had started to like her,feel for her,fall for her,To dream about her. Yes, I had started to love her.
But I was too confused to realize this. Rather too small or inexperienced if I put it in simple words.

Classes got over and chapters got finished my questions that grew inside me had just started to build up. They had started to eat me up from inside. I could feel a loneliness around me when i did not think about her.
I had to started to drift away from the so called society and social life and was just in the world which was made of her.

My interaction with her was still negligible. I could not find any topic to talk to her. With the little chance i used to get to interact with her, She never used to talk much. All I could get out of her was a Yes or a No. Sometimes i doubted that whether she had a larger vocabulary than these two words.


One fine day,a normal day. I was late.As i opened the gate and started walking towards the door, a voice stooped me from behind
"Oye,where to? Ma'am is not at home."
I was taken back by surprise.I recognized the voice. It was Vaani for sure. I turned back to see that she was standing near the corner and Avantika was there with her too. Even if ma'am would have there inside, i would have stayed out.
"Whats the hurry about Mr. Hero." Vaani used to call me with that slang more than often and i did not like it a bit. Whenever she used to call me by these names i felt like pulling off every hair on her head. seriously, i did not like it one bit. But i never corrected her. I don't know why but i never objected to it directly.
"No hurry as such.I was late."
"yes,you are late.well no need to worry Mr. topper, you did not miss anything.Maam is not at home." Again she started.
"Hmmm,so where is she?  And till when is she gonna come back?" I asked looking straight at Avantika, hoping to get test her vocabulary and choice of words. But same response-'no response'.
Don't know,but she had called me up a few minutes back saying that we all should wait and she is on the way back."
"Oh, that's great." looking helplessly towards Vaani, expecting the same reply from someone else and a a big thank you written over my face for her to budge in.
What? She asked to see that look on my face.
Nothing. just forget it.
Tell me What is it. Have i said something wrong?
Saying things are not wrong,Saying them at the wrong juncture of time is wrong." I replied bluntly.
She was left all bewildered with my response to her question. She did not ask any further questions. For obvious reasons.
The topic just drifted away from there to plants trees and flowers and suddenly everyone was sounding like an expert who had a Doctorate in gardening.
While we were discussing about fruits and something like that, we came across a small 'nArangi' plant in a pot. it was loaded with small little miniature sized orange like fruits.
Seeing that i remarked "Hey, i have just the same thing back at my home.And nearly the same size."
"Ya, i know. I have seen it too." Vaani commented. Now when did she come to know that a plant like this even existed in my garden. Lord forgive her for this.
"Hmmm, I have seen it too at someones place.Looks cute." Avantika Spoke. My god she spoke. Someone should have told her that she looks better and more friendly when she talks. Unfortunately i did not have the guts to do the same. And had no one else to do it for me. Crazy life!
"I bet you just cant eat it." came out a remark from me out of nowhere.
"Yes, I can." Avantika replied back.
"No you cant. I can bet. You cant chew it and swallow."
"How much is the bet for? I will eat it."
"100 Rs. But why are you worried? You wont be able to eat it."
"You don't know me. I can eat it." God, she was speaking the right words. I did not know you but yes, i really wanted to know you. Badly.
"Go ahead it and try it. You will lose the bet Avantika."
there was a kind of sparkle in her eyes and a little determination that somehow did not allow me to step down. I was enjoying that little argument with her.
"I will do it."
"Be my guest avantika."

I had lost the bet!
"My 100 rupees please!"
"What 100 rupees?"
"Now come on, this is not fair. I want my money now."
"I got no money, I am bankrupt."
"Do whatever it takes, but now you have to give me that 100 Rs."
"OK, OK. you will get it. Promise."
"Fine." And she smiled. She smiled and and I could feel my heart beats missing. I could feel it inside me. She looked so beautiful in that charming smile of hers. Full of life and happiness.
I could lose a thousand more hundred rupee bets just to see that smile of hers.
And in the future I did.
Just to see her smile.
Losing bets was not my cup of tea. But somehow here I thought that i had managed a win in my defeat.
That day was a turning point. She started to talk more openly with me and we often shared jokes and little conversation. Things were going the way i wanted and i was happy about it.
Well, I said to myself, being ignorant of the fact that girls can easily eat much sour things than just that stupid little orange can get you this far, I would rather like to stay that way for the rest of life!
You need to act smart, not intelligent!
At the end of the day I thanked God for creating such a remarkable thing as a 'Narangi'. I just gave the right fruits for me! Well almost I must say!
Cheers to orange juice!(personally, i hate oranges and orange flavored anything.)

Friday, 28 October 2011

Of endless doubts and confusions....


Life is surely full of surprises. My share had just started to flow in. When you desperately wait for something or someone, and you don’t see it coming, you start to give up hope, and the memory becomes fainter and fainter.
But when it suddenly comes to you, right in front of you, there is just nothing you can do but to sit there and admire it and feel happy and pity at the same time. Its there, but you can just see.
Same was the case with me, the girl who had given me sleepless nights and thousands of questions, was sitting in front of me. Yup, she really was sitting there. Frankly speaking i had no clue so as to what should I do???
All I could do was to sit like a little baby and just watch her.
Damm, she was beautiful!!!

Well, that is one day i cannot forget my whole life. The day that changed things for me forever.

 I Will start from where I left last time.
Well, we were to study poems that day. Leave me out of the studies, i was to sit there and watch her the whole time. Frankly speaking, I don’t remember a single word of what ma,am taught that day. I was busy in my own dream world.
Poems was the subject for the day.
And guess what, She had not brought her book that day. My eyes lit up that very instant.
I thought here is my chance. She could share the book with me. WOW! This was just too good to be true.
She would be sitting Next to me, And holding the book with me. Awesome. I had started to like poems!!
But suddenly something happened.
Ma’am interrupted "Don’t worry Beta, i have one extra book, I will get it for you."
Awesome. Just fantastic. Poems are really very drab and bore!!

Ma’am got  up and left the room to get the book. We both were sitting there alone. The silence was nerve bursting. I wanted to start a conversation with her. This was the time. Now or never.
Every time I thought of something, I was just not good enough.
All sorts of thoughts started to come in mind
"What if she does not reply."
"What if she does, what will i reply back to her."
"What will she think about me."
At few instances I managed to speak, but the voice just lost force and would just slide back from the throat.

I blew my chance when ma’am returned back with the book.
She took the book and opened it. I was just watching her actions so closely, the movement of her fingers. The turning of the pages, her eyes moving wildly over the words.

Ma’am started and only god knows when she stopped teaching. Two hours passes in a jiffy.
We were done for the day. So was i. i could not wait anymore. I wanteds to talk to her. Did not know what to talk, but felt an urge from inside.

Ma’am told us to revise what was taught and we were to meet at the same time the next day.
We both wished ma’am and left. We both got up and started walking towards the door. I wanted to talk to her. But could not think of anything.
She was walking ahead of me. She reached for the gate and unbolted it.She reached her scooty and kept her books inside.

She was about to turn the key and start the scooty when something interrupted her.
"You attended the survey maps coaching, at vajpayee ma’am s place?"
It was me. This was all that i could manage to speak out.
"Yes, I did."
"Batch number seven na?"
"Yes, that batch. You were there too in that batch?"
"Ya, I was there in that batch."
"Ok, so were you in the lot which studied or in the lot which did not study and did not let others study?"
"No no. I was in the lot that did not disturb."  I replied back bit offended.
 Did I really look like the one who belongs from that lot?

"Good, that’s nice."
"Hmmm, ya." So much for the conversation. What else to say now?

I just passed her a smile, a symbol of defeat.
"Bye."
"Bye." She replied back.

She started her scooty and left me in a puddle of dust.
I stood there, thinking, of what all just happened with me in the past 3 hours.

Well, a lot happened and practically nothing happened.
I just stood there......watching her go.
All I
 wished that I could run and stop her and tell her how amazing she was, how beautiful she was and i had really fallen for her.....

Yes, I had fallen for her. For those innocent eyes, for the cute smile, for that elegance.

Things had started to change for me.

I gathered myself and started my journey back home.

The night was a rough one, as expected. How can one sleep with all these feelings rolling all inside his mind. I cannot. And i did not sleep the whole night.

The next morning was a different one. Instead of following my regular routine, my eyes were simply stuck on the watch. Only i know how desperately i wanted the watch to show a 3:00 pm on it. Waiting so eagerly to attend an English coaching, I was definitely not all right

Finally the long wait was over and I rushed back to see her again. Sheer madness, i thought, but who cared. I would get to see her again. Nothing else mattered.
Madness at its best.

There I was. Standing at the door. Looking timidly inside the room. As i entered my eyes wildly searched for her presence in the room.
There she was, seated next to ma’am, Clarifying doubts. I walked past them, looking continuously at her.

I nearly banged my foot on the foot of the sofa. I nearly stumbled and fell. I somehow managed not to fall and finally managed to sit.

By this time, ma’am and Avantika very staring at me as if I had murdered someone and was pleading myself innocent. They both got on with their work. I wiped my sweat and took a deep breath. God I was sweating badly in the month of December.
Must have been the jacket i guessed.
"Hello Mr. handsome." A sweet husky voice interrupted.
It was Vaani.She was sitting on the chair near me. I completely ignored her presence in the room or even acknowledge it.
"Oh, Hi Vaani, how are you?"
"I am fine, but you don’t seem to be all right!"
"What? What happened to me? I am perfectly all right." I asked her in utter fear.
She burst out laughing.
"Are I was just joking yar."
"Hmmm,not a good one." I replied back sarcastically.
"And how is everyone at home?"
"Mast,rocking.And what about you?"
"Hmmm, everyone is good except for my mother. She is not well from the past a week or so."
"Oh, so did she go and visit any doctor?"
"Yes, we did. She will be fine in a couple of days. "
"Hmmm, hope so. Give my regards to her."
"Sure, I will." She smiled back.
We both sat silently for few minutes. She was still asking something with ma’am.
"Gosh,how much does your friend study? Have the exams made her like this or has  she been the same since childhood?"
Vaani burst out laughing.
"She is just clarifying doubts."
"Well, you girls are always like this. All the time confused and having endless doubts in your small brains." I protested.
"Excuse me. We girls are very intelligent and much more simpler than you."
"Yeah whatever. Thats why she has been clarifying doubts from the past 20 minutes" I replied impatiently
"Sameer.....calm down."
"Ya. I am calm"
"So tell me, how is the place? You liking it???"
My eyes lit up instantly. I looked towards her. She was still busy asking questions.
I smiled back and said "Yes, absolutely.Any doubt in that?"

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

A Blessing in disguise


Some very intelligent person had once said” Time is a very big healer”
I can hack him to death if he comes in front of me. And I mean it.
With all the passing days, life was getting all messed and screwed up to the core. The question was…….why????
The big question was that, ”why was I so worried about a girl who was completely a stranger to me.”
Why was I thinking about a girl who did not know that I even existed. That there is a boy who really dieing to know more about her. Name was really one thing which topped the list.
Why was I so desperate????? I had never felt this way before.
I tried many things to get over with that feeling. But nothing really worked out. I even went to the extent of taking an antacid when I used to have that strange feeling inside me, thinking that it was just acidity. Please don’t laugh, but I actually did it more than once. But seriously speaking, nothing worked out.
She was still a mystery , a dark road, completely unknown to me.
Well coming back to the main thing, time was one thing I did not have for sure, leave aside other problems I was facing.
My pre boards were  over by this time of the year. I had done badly in some subjects. Rest had some really good scores. That lessened the guilt. But it worked well for me, but not for family members. My marks had already got the alarms ringing in full volume. People were being consulted, teachers, Prime Minister, astronauts  and only God knows who else…….
Finally, after consulting some old family friends, I was told to join an English class.

But coming back to the main thing, I was really pissed off by the teachers when I had reached back home. All the lectures and taunting did nothing good to my falling confidence. And when I was just getting all relaxed up for some rest, Dida(I call my grandmother by this name) came up to me and sat next to me. My eyes lit up. I put my head on her lap and let me tell you, I was really feeling good till she broke with the last thing I wanted to hear.
“I had a talk with Vaani’s mother ”
“So?” I replied half heartedly.
“She suggested an English coaching, and I have taken all the details, you have to go and meet your teacher today in the evening.”
“But….”
“And she will start teaching from today only. So go prepared with your books…”
“But dida….” I tried to protest….
“She will be expecting you by 5. Don’t be late on the first day.”
She walked away before I could say a word. So much for the relaxing thing. So much for the cricket match in the evening. I could already see the plan going for a six.
And I was in no state to refuse. No mercy was to be expected. Damm these results!!! Always messing up everyone’s lives.

Here I would like to tell that  ‘Vaani’ is a person, who later has a very important role to play, and shape up many things which are right  in my life and also for few things which are wrong too. She was born at my house, the nursing home which my grand mother runs. Vaani’s mother was undergoing treatment  under my grand mother, just like all the other ladies of their big joint family.Both of Vaani’s brothers were also born here only. And if this is still not enough, then listen to this and digest it if you can.  All the 24 kids of present generation are the product of my Grandmother’s hands. Well, not to forget, I am also one of the lucky ones who have the privilege of being born in their own house and by the hands of their own Grandmother .
Well, now Vaani and I have grown up together. We are of the same age group, she being half a year elder than me, I guess. I don’t want to tell her actual age. Girls really hate this part. Why, is still to be answered. She was a regular face in the family get-togethers  and special occasions. Though we never used to talk much whenever we met each other in all these occasions, but whatever little time we shared with each other, was very good. We both gelled really well with each other. This came naturally to us. This was a bane in disguise.
I will come to the details later, and why I use such words for her, but now more important is that she had really done something which was to completely change me and my life forever. Till this day, I owe her for this, and a lot of endless sweet things she had done for me.
So, the orders were given, and orders need to be followed. So I decided to do the same too. I had no other option. So I just got ready, hopped on to my BSA Mach, and raced down in utter disgust to the given coordinates. I took some wrong turns or rather overshot the place in my little race with a man on a scooter. So after bit of struggle, I finally found the place.

It was kind of a small colony with a small park in the middle of  it, with a statue of someone there, whose statue is it, I am still quite unsure of it. 8 or 9 houses were there in that little colony, all facing the park. I found the house where I was supposed to be. It was a little house with a beautiful garden in front of it, though I never complimented ma’am about her garden. I knocked the door and waited for someone to answer.  I was rather answered back with some barks and more barks. There were two of them. I was overjoyed.
I have this great fascination for dogs. I have always had a pet dog in the house since my last memories I can remember. I am just so very fond of them. So wherever I found one, I was more than happy. While I was trying to figure out what breed was it, a dark shadow seem to appear behind the metal netted door.

“Who is it?” A voice grabbed my attention, ending my survey on dog breeds.
“Good evening, I am here to study English, my friend referred me.”
“Ok,wait.”
And the shadow retreated back
Damm….. those were days when I used to act really stupid sometimes. Same was the case that day. I was kicking myself for saying such a thing. Is this the way to answer that question. I had really  messed it up.
Well I was greeted by a voice which was much sweeter and had a great accent in it.
“Come inside ‘beta’ and park your cycle inside and do close the door.”
“Yes maam, ” I replied back, more careful this time with my reply.

I parked my cycle and closed the door and entered the house as I was ordered  to do. As I entered the doorway, I saw a door on the right and entered it. It was the drawing room. It was a small room but was very warm indeed. The way things were kept and the lights gave it a very warm look. A middle aged lady came up to me and asked me to sit.
She introduced herself. She was to teach me. As I was about to start, she started telling me about me only. She seemed to know a lot about me. Vaani  had told her a lot about me.

Well we got over with the intro part and we headed to the main reason for which I was there. She briefly asked me about the course I had covered and how were my scores in my pre-boards. And I am sure my replies would have really not impressed her. We quickly decided on what to finish first and what to leave for the later part. All was set and decided. Poems were the first we would touch and finish, before moving onto the stories and play.

“Where are these two? Are they going to come today or not?”
“Don’t know ma’am” I replied half confused!
Two??? Who was the second person? I was under the impression that I and Vaani  were to study together, but who was this second girl? “Well, who cares.’ Hogi koi, Mujhe kya lena dena’.”  I replied to myself, half heartedly.  

We decided to start with poems right from that day itself.  I thought that the first day would have been a good sweet intro thing, you know me I know you and little chit-chating only. But study on the first day itself!!!  Quite a surprise for me. She meant business. And I did not.
She asked me that whether I had brought my poetry book with me or not?

I thought of saying a no, nothing would have been better. But somehow I spilled out the truth. I fished out the book from my bag and gave a very sad look to her. Thought this would melt her heart and she would ask me that whether we should start it from today or tomorrow. But nothing of this sort happened. She got up, went inside and in a minute she got a book for herself. Same as mine. We were about to start when I thought of asking her about Vaani. She was nowhere to be seen. She pushed me into this and how could she vanish like this? I was sitting 
here, studying poetry, and that too at the cost of a cricket match, and she just did not turn up. How could she???

I asked about her whereabouts. Maam replied that she should have been here by now. Neither did  she or her friend whom she comes with are here till now. I really felt cheated. She should have been there.
Just as we finished talking about her, the door bell rang.
Ma’am inquired so as to who was it???
A voice from outside replied.
“Good evening ma’am, its me, Avantika.”
“Good evening ‘beta’, come in.”
I could hear the door being shut and the door of the drawing room being opened and a figure enter the room. The next thing I saw, I am really very thankful to ma dida and really very  grateful for Vaani for what she had unknowingly done for me.

As the girl entered the room, the book in my hands fell down. My hands became numb and my fingers lifeless. I could feel a rush of blood in my veins, feel my heart beat rising like hell, but felt as if I was a rock, unable to move a muscle. The room’s warmth and its beauty ceased to exist anymore. There was a total blackout for few seconds.

My mouth opened and my jaw dropped down embarrassingly. I bet you could have parked your car inside it at that time. My heart missed a few beats, for sure.
There she was, simple as always, yet so beautiful and so very much attractive. Dressed up in  I could fall in love with her a hundred times. I already was ……
I was not able to believe what I was seeing. I just could not believe it.

It was her!! It really was her….. she was standing there in front of me. She was beautiful. She was  just so simple, yet so awesome. I could look at her for hours.

She was  dressed up in a blue sweater, black jeans. She was looking awesome. The only thing that was missing was a pair of wings and a halo. The same innocent look on her face.

She came inside the room. She sat right opposite to me. I expected her to occupy the big sofa on which I was sitting but she chose otherwise. Never mind. At least I could look at her. See her. She was actually sitting in front of me. She was.
I wonder how awkward a scenario it would have been if ma’am would have seen the look on my face and my body language while she was entering the room and was settling down. Glad she did not.

All this while she was talking to ma’am and she hardly noticed my presence in that room or hardly looked at me. Strange I guessed. Never mind, always a next time. All this while, they were busy discussing about the topics taught yesterday. I hardly cared. All I could do was look at her, and look at her and look at her and look at her. I just did not get enough of it.

When I woke from my little day dream, I got back to my senses and realized where I was, I kind of gathered myself. I was now actually listening to what they were talking. I still don’t remember what they were talking, all I remember is her. Only her.  She was actually sitting in front of me. She really was there. This could not be true. Too good to be true, I murmured to myself.

The situation was such, I could not gather my senses. I just lost track of everything. Everything else ceased to exist. All I could see was her…..

I was just sitting there, admiring her. That was all I could do. She was just so awesome.

I really don’t remember for how long this continued, but my little trip to fairyland was cut short by ma’am. She looked and at me and said “Sameer,  I did not introduce her to you, but you must be knowing each other I guess.”
“No” I squeaked, barely able to manage to get that out of my mouth.
“Oh, I thought you must be knowing  each other. Well she is a friend of Vaani and her name is Avantika.”

I instantaneously shot back “I know ma’am”


Some things happen around you for a reason. They all give you a message. But we often ignore them or just let them pass without giving them much of a thought. That day was one of them. I was there at the coaching for a reason. Destiny had some plans for me. Destiny helped me answer a very big question that day, a question that was really biting me, for quite some time. What I failed to realize was that one question got answered, but some bigger ones and more typical ones were soon to follow, that were to change me and my life, FOREVER…

Friday, 9 September 2011

As helpless as one can get......


Some things are just meant to happen.you just cannot stop them or avoid them.They will happen.Call it fate,call it chance,call it whatever you want to,the idea is....you cannot escape it.
That's the irony of it.Love is just like one of those situations.
And love at first sight is even worse.
It leaves you confused,it makes you bewildered,it leaves you in a state of indecision.A decision awaits your consent....."Is it love???? and if not love, then what the hell is it??"
Many of you must have had the same feeling at least once in a while in their life.They can very well agree with me that its the most restless times of all....


I was standing there,just where it really gets tricky,either you make it or break it.
Here i personally  feel that there is a very thin line which seperates love and infatuation.
I simply stood there,looking at her....she walking towards me.My heart missed a few beats.Speechless,yes,speechless was the word for my condition.
All i could do was to stand there and admire her.An angel here on Earth.Was i in heaven,or heaven had just shifted to a new office here downstairs.I wanted to know the answer,Badly.....


The innocence on her face,the sweetness of her smile,the glow on her face,all made me restless,i could feel my heart shrinking to the size of a pea.I was begging for mercy,i was begging to touch her,i would have done anything to talk to her once.Never felt this  way before....ever.This feeling was something new to me.

The night was a tough one.Getting her off my mind just next to impossible.I would have beaten Newton that day in Physics but was unable to stop thinking about her.Crazy me!!  "stupid,she is just like any other girl,chuck it and go to sleep"    "But she was different,she was so beautiful too."
This was all i could get in reply from my heart,which had already captured her and was bent to not let her go.....the very old Brain vs. Heart battle had started!!
One presenting its view,the other rejecting it instantly and giving its logic in defense.
"she was so beautiful"
"Shut up,she was just hot,nothing more"
"Are you nuts,never seen a girl like her before"
"There are many other girls too,and they are also beautiful,and hot too!! "
"So what?? "
and the war just kept on going,till i gave up and dozed off,the day had been a tough one!


Days passed,monsoon passed,winters came,and so did the deadly half yearly's.Damm these exams!! hate them.
But all this while what i failed to realize that i had her at the back of mind all the time.I did not realize it that time,maybe i ignored it.
but there was not a single day that i did not think about her.......but i failed to see this.Ignorant,or rather careless.

Time flew away,and in no time a whole year went by.
Only the year had changed,not my feelings for her.They were still there.More stronger than before.I could feel that now i wanted to see her again.Talk to her.look at her.At least ask her what her name was......
But some things are just not meant to happen your way.My pre boards were round the corner.And i could already feel the pressure of it.Family,friends,almost everyone was now talking about it.For me it meant no cricket,no cycling,damm these board people,mental torture....that is how i will put it.
Many will agree with me,many will not.....those who do,thank you,those who don't,you are an ass then!!!

Had to cover up a lot of course,but who cared.Cricket was more important,everything else could wait!!!!

 In all this confusion,I  joined a coaching of survey maps.Geography sucks,but survey maps were good,somehow  I loved them.Or rather i made myself love them...
I still remember very clearly,Batch 7,evening batch,5 to 6.
First day,just managed to reach on time.Entered the coaching.it was a small room.A small door which lead into it.the room had few windows,a black board near the door,on the right,and on the left,there were two benches,and chairs followed them.All were full.I looked for a vacant seat.Finally i saw one,near the wall on the other side of the entrance.
Stuffed myself between two guys.One of them was smelling badly.Damm him!!!
Ma'am had still not come.No friends of mine were attending this batch.had nothing else to do.Thought of doing what the boys do the best when they have nothing else to do....'to check out the girls'....
The first two rows were full of them......it was sight seeing time.....
my eyes rolled down to each one of them,slowly,giving each girl a proper share of time,i could not be unfair to any of them!!!

"average"
"nice"
"yuk,forget it"
"hot"
"ok types"
"What the F.....is that???"
Yes,I nearly jumped off my seat......I could not believe my eyes
There she was,sitting,third from the right.
I rubbed my eyes thrice,just to make sure that i had not mistaken her for someone else.I was not seeing things.it was her.

Just then Maam entered.The class started.I still dont remember a single word of what was said and taught in the class.All i remember was watching her,all the time.
Admiring her,liking her more with the every second that passed.
I was to screw my coaching,i was quite confident of it by now.This was not what i wanted.
So days passed.I used to see her arrive,try to study a bit,look at her more than often.Then see her leave.

Days passed.This kept on happening all over again and again.Even tried to talk to her,but just could not manage it.
finally,one fine day,the coaching ended...

Was not able to talk to her once.Was not able to tell her that i kind of liked her,that she was awesomely beautiful and that she looked even better in red....she would have looked good in blue too,grey would have done nothing less.
Color didn't matter.All that mattered was that i wanted to see her.
It became difficult to take my eyes off her.
with every passing second,every minute,every hour,I was falling for her.
I could see this happen.But could not stop myself.Maybe because of the feeling i was having.I somehow liked that tingling down my spine whenever i thought about her.Or when my heart stopped beating when i used to go near her......
I did not know what it was then,I was in a dream.A dream from which i did not want to wake up.....
but the bigger disappointment was...I did not even know her NAME!!

 I could not even manage to find out what her name was...
I started to hate myself.I started to like her more......


The urgency to know her name grew,tried to ask a few friends but all i got was failure.
I lay in bed,tired,disgusted,sad,and helpless.....As helpless as one can get......
I just turned around and pushed my face deep inside my pillow and said to myself"Forget her,she is just a bad dream, that's all"
But bad dreams don't leave so easily,do they????
They always come back to haunt you,this one did too.


Sunday, 4 September 2011

The day it all started...

5th September.....
A day better known as teachers day in our country.....else would not have mattered to anyone at all....has a really different importance to me altogether.

5th September 2003,the day it all started for me,the day which  changed me and my life forever...
I was not myself anymore.I was just someone else now.
Eight years have passed since then.Still nothing has changed.I am still hers and still trying to convince myself that it was all a dream,she was just an angel from the heavens.You don't fall in love with the God's,do you???Well,that day i did,and with an Angel !!!
Things were never the same for me since then.Life changed,but i did not accept it,did not realized it.
They say love is a slow poison.that are perfectly right.It is!!   And i was its newest victim...

Curse that moment,cherish that moment too....
guess,it was the starting of a whole new journey for me....
A never ending one.A journey for life.