Of endless doubts and confusions....

Life is surely full of surprises. My share had just started to flow in. When you desperately wait for something or someone, and you don’t see it coming, you start to give up hope, and the memory becomes fainter and fainter.

But when it suddenly comes to you, right in front of you, there is just nothing you can do but to sit there and admire it and feel happy and pity at the same time. Its there, but you can just see.

Same was the case with me, the girl who had given me sleepless nights and thousands of questions, was sitting in front of me. Yup, she really was sitting there. Frankly speaking i had no clue so as to what should I do???

All I could do was to sit like a little baby and just watch her.

Damm, she was beautiful!!!

Well, that is one day i cannot forget my whole life. The day that changed things for me forever.

 I Will start from where I left last time.

Well, we were to study poems that day. Leave me out of the studies, i was to sit there and watch her the whole time. Frankly speaking, I don’t remember a single word of what ma,am taught that day. I was busy in my own dream world.

Poems was the subject for the day.

And guess what, She had not brought her book that day. My eyes lit up that very instant.

I thought here is my chance. She could share the book with me. WOW! This was just too good to be true.

She would be sitting Next to me, And holding the book with me. Awesome. I had started to like poems!!

But suddenly something happened.

Ma’am interrupted "Don’t worry Beta, i have one extra book, I will get it for you."

Awesome. Just fantastic. Poems are really very drab and bore!!

Ma’am got  up and left the room to get the book. We both were sitting there alone. The silence was nerve bursting. I wanted to start a conversation with her. This was the time. Now or never.

Every time I thought of something, I was just not good enough.

All sorts of thoughts started to come in mind

"What if she does not reply."

"What if she does, what will i reply back to her."

"What will she think about me."

At few instances I managed to speak, but the voice just lost force and would just slide back from the throat.

I blew my chance when ma’am returned back with the book.

She took the book and opened it. I was just watching her actions so closely, the movement of her fingers. The turning of the pages, her eyes moving wildly over the words.

Ma’am started and only god knows when she stopped teaching. Two hours passes in a jiffy.

We were done for the day. So was i. i could not wait anymore. I wanteds to talk to her. Did not know what to talk, but felt an urge from inside.

Ma’am told us to revise what was taught and we were to meet at the same time the next day.

We both wished ma’am and left. We both got up and started walking towards the door. I wanted to talk to her. But could not think of anything.

She was walking ahead of me. She reached for the gate and unbolted it.She reached her scooty and kept her books inside.

She was about to turn the key and start the scooty when something interrupted her.

"You attended the survey maps coaching, at vajpayee ma’am s place?"

It was me. This was all that i could manage to speak out.

"Yes, I did."

"Batch number seven na?"

"Yes, that batch. You were there too in that batch?"

"Ya, I was there in that batch."

"Ok, so were you in the lot which studied or in the lot which did not study and did not let others study?"

"No no. I was in the lot that did not disturb."  I replied back bit offended.

 Did I really look like the one who belongs from that lot?

"Good, that’s nice."

"Hmmm, ya." So much for the conversation. What else to say now?

I just passed her a smile, a symbol of defeat.

"Bye."

"Bye." She replied back.

She started her scooty and left me in a puddle of dust.

I stood there, thinking, of what all just happened with me in the past 3 hours.

Well, a lot happened and practically nothing happened.

I just stood there......watching her go.

All I
 wished that I could run and stop her and tell her how amazing she was, how beautiful she was and i had really fallen for her.....

Yes, I had fallen for her. For those innocent eyes, for the cute smile, for that elegance.

Things had started to change for me.

I gathered myself and started my journey back home.

The night was a rough one, as expected. How can one sleep with all these feelings rolling all inside his mind. I cannot. And i did not sleep the whole night.

The next morning was a different one. Instead of following my regular routine, my eyes were simply stuck on the watch. Only i know how desperately i wanted the watch to show a 3:00 pm on it. Waiting so eagerly to attend an English coaching, I was definitely not all right

Finally the long wait was over and I rushed back to see her again. Sheer madness, i thought, but who cared. I would get to see her again. Nothing else mattered.

Madness at its best.

There I was. Standing at the door. Looking timidly inside the room. As i entered my eyes wildly searched for her presence in the room.

There she was, seated next to ma’am, Clarifying doubts. I walked past them, looking continuously at her.

I nearly banged my foot on the foot of the sofa. I nearly stumbled and fell. I somehow managed not to fall and finally managed to sit.

By this time, ma’am and Avantika very staring at me as if I had murdered someone and was pleading myself innocent. They both got on with their work. I wiped my sweat and took a deep breath. God I was sweating badly in the month of December.

Must have been the jacket i guessed.

"Hello Mr. handsome." A sweet husky voice interrupted.

It was Vaani.She was sitting on the chair near me. I completely ignored her presence in the room or even acknowledge it.

"Oh, Hi Vaani, how are you?"

"I am fine, but you don’t seem to be all right!"

"What? What happened to me? I am perfectly all right." I asked her in utter fear.

She burst out laughing.

"Are I was just joking yar."

"Hmmm,not a good one." I replied back sarcastically.

"And how is everyone at home?"

"Mast,rocking.And what about you?"

"Hmmm, everyone is good except for my mother. She is not well from the past a week or so."

"Oh, so did she go and visit any doctor?"

"Yes, we did. She will be fine in a couple of days. "

"Hmmm, hope so. Give my regards to her."

"Sure, I will." She smiled back.

We both sat silently for few minutes. She was still asking something with ma’am.

"Gosh,how much does your friend study? Have the exams made her like this or has  she been the same since childhood?"

Vaani burst out laughing.

"She is just clarifying doubts."

"Well, you girls are always like this. All the time confused and having endless doubts in your small brains." I protested.

"Excuse me. We girls are very intelligent and much more simpler than you."

"Yeah whatever. Thats why she has been clarifying doubts from the past 20 minutes" I replied impatiently

"Sameer.....calm down."

"Ya. I am calm"

"So tell me, how is the place? You liking it???"

My eyes lit up instantly. I looked towards her. She was still busy asking questions.

I smiled back and said "Yes, absolutely.Any doubt in that?"